ITSY BITSY (2019)

I’m a sucker for a good giant monster movie and after seeing the trailer for ITSY BITSY (2019) I was instantly intrigued but sadly what I was given is not as interesting as I would have hoped.  Kara Spencer (Elizabeth Roberts), is a down on her luck nurse whose just uprooted her two children to move to a new town for a job taking care of Walter Clark (Bruce Davison), who is an eccentric collector of exotic items which includes a relic that houses a spider goddess.  When the relic is broken, the spider goddess is released and sets out to kill.

The visual and practical FX for the spider is great!  The problem is that the spider doesn’t really do much in the film as the film itself is more concerned with telling a good myth regarding the spider goddess and more concerned with family dysfunction of the main characters and their secrets.  This is all great background for characters but what you want in a giant monster movie is the scares, the fun, and the absurdity that comes with this genre of film.  Instead, the film is very much a drama until the action is kicked into high gear in the third act which for some may too late.

If you do stick with the film the third act is at least entertaining with the film never getting too boring it just won’t be what you are expecting.  Davison does an excellent job as the character responsible for all the background info about the spider goddess and the rest of the cast is equally good but the film-makers themselves may have just been trying too hard to make a film with actual real life characters with problems and conflicts.  These conflicts just don’t fit in a giant spider film.

Film Review: ICE SPIDERS (2007)

Director Tibor Takacs’ Ice Spiders (2007) is about as ludicrous and entertaining as most of his films having been directed the cult favorites The Gate (1987) and its sequel Gate 2 (1990) and I, Madman (1989), among many others.  The biggest fault with his films in this modern day and age is the over reliance on CGI good, bad, and otherwise.  You get a lot of the otherwise in this film.

The film concerns former ski bum Dash Dashiell (Patrick Muldoon) whose fed up with teaching rich people at the ski resort the “fine art” of skiing when they would rather just be having a good time.  When Dr. April Sommers (Vanessa Williams) military science experiment of deadly mutated spiders decides to jump ship from the secret government laboratory on the mountain everyone’s lives are nothing more than spider-food.  Unbeknownst to Sommers her spiders were injected with a growth hormone to speed up their growth and aggression and now they are bigger, stronger, and more deadly than she could have possibly imagined.  And did I also mention that the cold has no effect on them whatsoever?

Now Sommers must team up with Dashiell to protect the survivors on the mountain and find a way to outsmart and kill the giant spiders before they all become spider-food.  The whole film is pretty ludicrous but Muldoon and Williams are game and keep the film entertaining even through all the bad CGI spiders.  Even legendary producer Stephen J. Cannell (The Rockford Files, 21 Jump Street, The A-Team, and Stingray, to name a few) shows up in a major supporting role as the owner of the ski resort. 

Overall the film is pretty bad and a far cry from Takacs’ previous ‘80s films but he still knows how to entertain regardless.

Film Review: MONSTERS: DARK CONTINENT (2014)

Ten years after the events depicted in the original film Monsters (2010) the “Infected Zones” have spread over the entire world creating a global epidemic.  In Monsters: Dark Continent (2014) the Army must put together a new type of soldier to combat the growing threat but the soldiers in this film who are sent into the Middle East to help stop the problem have more than just giant monsters to contend with as dangers lurk in every corner and in every shadow in this war film in which the giant monsters take a back seat to the insurgency of man. 

Written by Tom Green and Jay Basu this is a film that puts the audience right in the middle of the war in the Middle East.  The group of soldiers is made up of mostly rookies who have never spent a tour of duty facing the giants head on.  Leading the group is Noah Frater (Johnny Harris) who volunteers to go on yet another tour avoiding to return home to his family because the only war he knows how to deal with is on the battlefield.  But as he and his group of men go deeper into the trenches he soon learns that everything that he has ever known both in terms of the giant monsters and the human monsters that he’s used to fighting is about to be turned upside down.

As usual, the biggest problem with the film is the fact that the cast is huge and for the most part they are all cannon fodder.  Unlike the original film which was very intimate and focused on the two main characters for most of the running time of the film, this film has too many characters to get to know (at least until most of them are killed off).  The film also tries to use the monsters as a background element forcing you to follow the more human conflict in the film.  This tactic worked well for the original film where the cast is much smaller but here it seems like the monsters are a wasted element.  Now the monsters are seen more in this film than in the previous film but its more as a sense of “awe” and “wonder” but in a war film this is lost (at least until the cast is dwindled down to a handful of characters).

Directed by Green himself, the film is not an entirely bad film but it does lack the ambiance and awe of Gareth Edwards original film even as it opens the possibilities of future films set in a world of giant monsters.