Week 18: “What Type of Monster Are You?”
Last week I wrote about werewolf films which got me thinking
about monsters and why we love them so much.
I don’t know about you but I love monster films. Although my least favorite is the vampire, I
enjoy watching a good vampire film and in fact, last year’s Only Lover’s Left Alive (2013) was at
the top of my list for one of the best horror films of the year. I absolutely love the Godzilla films (neither
American version holds a candle to the Japanese films) and I’m a huge fan of
Frankenstein’s monster. I usually
gravitate towards the misunderstood monster of which Frankenstein’s monster is
top of the list followed by (of course) King Kong. I also love zombie films but a zombie is at
the bottom of the list of what monster I would want to be unless it was King
Zombie from the Deadworld
comics. Being a zombie would be the
least fun of all the monsters.
I want to take this week’s rant and go through some of my
favorite monster s and why I would or wouldn’t want to be them. As much as I would love to join the ranks of
Frankenstein’s monster, I would hate always being chased by angry villagers and
never having a Bride of my own (who would probably misunderstand me as well as
everyone else).
Being immortal would be interesting but it could also be as
boring an existence as Adam (Tom Hiddleston) in Only Lover’s Left Alive. I
would like to have an existence closer to the suave Jerry Dandridge from Fright Night (1985) rather than the
blood thirty savages of 30 Days of Night
(2007) or the forever teenage twinklers of the Twilight Saga. I’d also hate
to be a shut in like that of Count Orlock in Nosferatu (1922) but I think I would enjoy life on the road like
the vampires in Near Dark (1987) and
if I was stuck as a teen forever I guess I could handle being part of the gang
of The Lost Boys (1987). I would hate to be a relative of Dracula as
him and his kin has too many enemies and a family feud with Van Helsing and his
clan. There are just as many good things
about being a vampire as there is bad.
Being a zombie is pretty much out if you ask me. There aren’t any cool zombies other than King
Zombie and even the zombies in Warm
Bodies (2013) wanted their humanity back.
No, life as a zombie is short lived especially in the world of The Walking Dead and I would hate to be
someone’s pet like in Fido (2006) or Shaun of the Dead (2004). I’m sure I’m more in the unlucky category and
would slowly watch myself decay like in I,
Zombie: The Chronicles of Pain (1998) or Contracted (2013) or Zombie
Honeymoon (2004). Being a zombie
should be at the bottom of everyone’s list.
Being a giant monster also doesn’t leave you much room
either. Godzilla rarely had a moment’s
peace even when he was exiled on Monster Island and King Kong couldn’t catch a
break from anyone. Being a giant mutated
insect would seem cool at first but then the government would just come after
you and annihilate you (and your family) like in Them! (1954) or Tarantula
(1955) or Eight Legged Freaks (2002)
but then again I’m sure I’d have lots of fun as a giant human like in Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958) or Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (1992), but
then we’re getting further and further away from horror and more into sci-fi
and fantasy.
I would love to be a werewolf! Not the whole cursed kind like in The Wolf Man (1941) or Cursed (2005) or even An American Werewolf in London (1981)
but more in line with the those wolves with control over their transformations
like in The Howling (1981) or the
werewolves of Underworld (2003) and Dog Soldiers (2002). I also wouldn’t mind the whole turning into a
wolf kind of werewolf like in Wolf (1994)
or Blood & Chocolate (2007) or Wolfen (1981); I think that would be
cool as well. There are just so many
different ways in which being a wolf could be beneficial unless it comes at the
time of puberty like in Teen Wolf
(1985) or Ginger Snaps (2000) then I
could see it being both a curse and a blessing.
The toxic or mutated monster isn’t something to joke around
with. Sure I think The Toxic Avenger (1984) is cool but then who would want to be a C.H.U.D. (1984)? Would you want to be a toxic zombie/creature
like in Nightmare City (1980) or a Septic Man (2013)? How about something more akin to David
Cronenberg’s The Fly (1986)? Not really something to behold unless it’s in
your genetic makeup like The Fly II
(1989) or a science experiment mixed with nature like Swamp Thing (1982) but not to the extreme of Man-Thing (2005).
This now brings us to the group of monsters which is just
about everything else like those featured in Clive Barker’s Nightbreed (1990). This is a menagerie of monsters of all types
from all over the world who have gathered together as one big family. You have immortals, shape-shifters,
amalgamations of all types and even a few dead monsters and God-like deities
mixed in and Berserkers. Midian is where
the monsters live whether it is within a hidden labyrinth under a graveyard or
somewhere else. This is a place where
all monsters are equal and safe.
Now, this is a small sampling of the many monsters that inhabit
our world of dreams and nightmares and I see all monsters great or small as
equal (even King Kong and Godzilla).
After examining all the choices I would still stick with being a
werewolf (or any were-creature for that matter). Transforming into an animal, which represents
our primal self, allows us to be closer to nature and be one with our true
selves and having that ability is ultimately what we strive for in our daily
lives. The werewolf just gives us a more
natural way of expressing it (as does I guess being a Swamp Thing). Being a vampire may be more glamorous but who
wants to live forever?
What type of monster are you?
