Zombies are the middle children of the otherworldly family. Vampires are the oldest brother who gets to have a room in the attic, all tripped out with a disco ball and shag carpet. Werewolves are the youngest, the babies, always getting pinched and told they're cute. With all that attention stolen away from the middle child zombie, no wonder she shuffles off grumbling, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha."

- Kevin James Breaux

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Film Review: CROCZILLA (2012)

The Chinese have now entered the giant killer monster race with Croczilla (2012), the latest in giant crocodile films.  What makes this film different is that the said crocodile is giant because natural causes instead of biological weapons or toxic spills or something similar.  The giant crocodile is named Amao who has lived its life relatively uninterrupted in a zoo that is slowly going out of business.  The only person who sees Amao as an animal to behold is a small boy by the name of Xiao who has just learned that Amao and the rest of the crocodiles at the zoo have been sold to a ruthless gangster who plans on serving up the crocodiles as a meal to his high priced clients but Amao escapes captivity and wanders throughout countryside.
Amao makes small meals out of the random people who come across his path but he also makes a meal out of one woman’s purse containing $1 million and when word gets out that there is a dangerous animal out there worth a million dollar some people flee while others go on a search and destroy mission.  Now Xiao and his father must find Amao before the whole countryside is thrown into chaos.
This may all sound like the makings of a good giant killer animal film but it really isn’t.  The film is badly written with a tone that borders on slapstick from the awkward scenes with naked young boys skinny dipping to the woman with $1 million verses giant crocodile antics.  There is also no logic to why Amao kills some people while leaving others alone and the gangster that plans to feed Amao to his high paying clients is among the most ridiculous ever portrayed.  The film has very little going for it and comes off as a subpar sci-fi disaster.  This is one of those films that you can completely pass up.

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