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Quote:

Zombies are the middle children of the otherworldly family. Vampires are the oldest brother who gets to have a room in the attic, all tripped out with a disco ball and shag carpet. Werewolves are the youngest, the babies, always getting pinched and told they're cute. With all that attention stolen away from the middle child zombie, no wonder she shuffles off grumbling, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha."

- Kevin James Breaux

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Film Review: BIGFOOT (1970)



Actor John Carradine can sometimes be forgiven for some of the schlock that he has been in which will include this 1970 film Bigfoot.  Following in the footsteps of the original ’33 King Kong is this story of the 8th Wonder of the World as described by Carradin’s character of Jasper B. Hawks a local man who sees dollar signs when the girlfriend of a biker is kidnapped by one of the creatures. 

Jasper and his friend Elmer (John Mitchum) are just trying to make a quick buck when they see dollar signs after local legend becomes reality.  It seems that several women have been abducted by the creatures who may be dying off and need a new way to procreate and keep their species alive.  Jasper and Elmer head into the local woods to track down the creature but soon get more than they bargained for when they realize that there is a family of Bigfoot out there and even something bigger and far deadlier than they could have imagined.

This might actually sound like an interesting film except that the Bigfoot costumes are laughable (even by ‘70s standards) and that the screenplay is incredibly bad in a film filled with horrible performances (not even Carradine survives this).  The film is even made worse by the score which is repeated until it grinds in your ear drums.  There is no suspense anywhere in the film (as the Bigfoot creatures are not at all shy from the sunlight where you can see the imperfections in the costumes) and it is more a comedy by accident than anything else.

This is a highly forgettable film that’s only a curiosity to fans of Carradine and little else.

Film Review: I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE III: VENGEANCE IS MINE (2015)



Sarah Butler returns as Jennifer Hills in the sequel I Spit on Your Grave III: Vengeance is Mine (2015).  After surviving from her ordeal in the original film, Jennifer has moved to a new city and changed her name to Angela where she works in a dead end job trying to cope with the constant nightmares of when she was raped.  Her only solace is with her therapist (Harley Jane Kozak) and within her rape support group where she soon discovers a kindred spirit in Marla (Jennifer Landon), the rebel of the group.  The two women become fast friends but unlike Jennifer, Marla has never confronted her rapist and itches for retribution. 

When Marla turns up dead apparently from the same person that raped her in the first place, Jennifer realizes that the cops won’t do anything and that it is up to her to get vengeance for her friend.  Suffering from waking nightmares in which she exacts her fantasies of death and murder on random strangers, Jennifer fears that the darkness that she’s kept in check for so long finally needs a release and anyone in her way may fall victim to her own set of vengeance for all the wrongs done to women by predatory men.

Written by Daniel Gilboy (who co-produced the first two films in the rebooted franchise) and directed by R.D. Braunstein (taking over for Steven R. Monroe from the first two films) there is a lot to like and dislike about this film.  First off it’s an interesting way in which to develop Jennifer Hills who is still suffering even after getting vengeance in the original film.  The film treats the subject matter of rape in a respectful way as Jennifer is still traumatized in the aftermath of her original ordeal.  Not even a therapist and support group is able to help her.  It takes Marla’s uninhibited nature to force her to confront her own fears and overcome them.  Gilboy and Braunstein decide to show audiences what Sarah is thinking by showing her murderous fantasies giving audiences a reason why she is such a broken woman.  It also helps that Butler is such a phenomenal actress in this role.   She gives a better performance than expected.  She’s clearly the best thing in the film and even though some of her co-stars are not nearly up to par she carries the film very well.

On a more somber note, Monroe’s directorial style is sorely missed in this film as Braunstein just can’t stage the death scenes as effectively as he can so some of the visuals do come off as flat, but Braunstein does let his flare show in Jennifer’s murderous waking nightmares, which is where most of the blood and gore can be found.

Overall this is an effective sequel that all though not as strong as the original still manages to pack a punch as we get to see what happens next after Jennifer has had her own vengeance (in the original film) and refuses to sit by and let it happen to anyone else (in this film). 

Film Review: HELL BABY (2013)




A long time has passed since Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon’s influential police spoof-comedy Reno 911! ended its run in 2009.  It hasn’t been long enough for the two to come up with any new ideas as can be seen in their latest film Hell Baby (2013) which is part spoof-comedy and part genuine gross-out horror-comedy that doesn’t mix either well.  Garant and Lennon both write and direct this film.


Jack and Vanessa (Rob Corddry and Leslie Bibb, respectfully) are an expecting couple who move in a predominantly African American neighborhood in the haunted house that everyone crosses the street to avoid except for, of course, their neighbor F’resnel  (Keegan-Michael Key) who more or less lives in the crawl spaces of the house.  It’s not even one night before Jack and Vanessa start to experience strange things in the house and Vanessa finds herself possessed and ready to give birth to a baby from Hell.  When Jack and Vanessa need help they contact Father Sebastian and Father Padrigo (Garant and Lennon, respectfully) who come in to try to save Vanessa and her unborn child before it is too late.

Corddry plays it straight whereas everyone else knows they’re in a spoof film as everything that can go wrong does…to Corddry that is.  This could actually have been a very funny movie in a Tom Hanks in The Money Pit kind of way if not for the extreme over reliance on gore FX and gross out humor that is repetitive and goes on for too long.  Both gross out humor and gore can be used to great effect (such as in Stand by Me and American Pie or Shaun of the Dead) but in this film it is over used to the point of being excessive and no longer funny which probably wouldn’t have been too bad but all the jokes fall flat or are just bad.  Whereas I loved this type of humor in the thirty minute episodes of Reno 911! it is ineffective here.

The always funny Key is wasted in this film as he has humorous “bits” are nothing on the same level as his own show Key & Peele.  One good thing about the film is the high production values and the art direction which are better than anything Garant and Thomas had on the Reno 911 show or even the movie version.  It’s just a shame that it was all wasted on this film.  The two seem like they want to do a straight up comedy-horror film but it ends up crashing under the weight of being a spoof film and fails completely in both.