Film Review: DON’T GO INTO THE WOODS (2010)

A young band tired of playing cover songs ventures out into the woods for a little solidarity to create some meaningful songs to show the world who they really are.  This is the concept behind the Vincent D’Onofrio directed film Don’t Go in the Woods (2010).  Things start to go horribly wrong when the bands peace and quiet is disrupted by the sudden appearance of their girlfriends who begin to hinder their creativity but more devastating is the fact that a serial killer is bumping them off one by one. 

This would all seem like your typical slasher film in the woods but the difference is that D’Onofrio (who also came up with the story for the film) has crafted a slasher and musical hybrid.  Several of the band’s songs are performed in the film and several times a member of the cast will break out into song for no other reason other than they can (whether they are part of the band or not).  This is an odd direction as it comes out of nowhere half way into the film.   Another off putting thing about the film is the fact that there are no truly horrifying elements to the film until long after the halfway point.  Up until then it’s simply a film about a band that practices in the woods and have their own problems between them which is not really all that interesting.

This film is a really slow burn of a film in which you may not get the direction that D’Onofrio is going for until both the musical aspects and slasher elements collide.  Some of the most interesting moments of the film are the last third of the film but you have to get through the mush of a first half to get to the meat of the story.  Some people may not want to wait for the film to ultimately pick up momentum but the last third of the film is actually really well done both in terms of story and execution.

Overall, D’Onofrio doesn’t do a completely horrible job with the film but his touches don’t seem to really come into play until the last third of the film but if you stick with the film you just might enjoy it.

Film Review: THE BELL WITCH HAUNTING (2013)

There have been a lot of Paranormal Activity knock-offs over the last several years since that film became its own enduring franchise.  The Bell Witch Haunting (2013) is a subpar knock-off of a far more superior film.  Brandon Sawyer (Andrew Hellenthal) is an inspiring young film maker whose family has just moved into a new home.  Unbeknownst to them the house that he and his family have moved to once belong to the Bell Family which is ground zero for numerous hauntings. 

When his sister starts acting strangely, Brandon decides to start filming her and the rest of the family in hopes of discovering what is really going on with his family. At first it’s just a simple film but when his sister starts having violent nightmares and his friends start showing up dead the situation becomes dire as he realizes that there may be no escape from what is haunting him and his family.

Unfortunately for this film that it gets off with a rocky start and never recovers.    Directed by Glenn Miller (uncredited) the film is done in the style of a found footage film using camcorder, security cameras, video blogs, and police cameras.  Everything is thrown into the mix to keep you interested in the characters but the characters simply are not interesting and the plot meanders with very little direction especially at the half way point.  The film becomes an exercise in futility.  Now things do pick up in the third at when people start dying and the haunting/possession becomes more apparent but there is nothing new that you haven’t seen before.

One of the biggest travesties in the film is the fact that Brandon catches his first sign of a paranormal incident early on in the film on camera but he never responds to the indistinguishable evidence of the paranormal.  In fact, there are several documented incidents before anyone in the Sawyer family bother to ever take notice.  It all becomes tedious after a while leaving the viewer to believe that the film is compiled of completely incompetent people.

This is not a film with intelligent characters anywhere to be found and if you’re looking for this type of film just stick with the superior Paranormal Activity and its sequels.

Film Review: 13/13/13 (2013)

Using the Mayan calendar it is now the 13^th day of the 13^th month in 2013 and all hell is about to break lose.  This is the dilemma of 13/13/13 (2013) that says that the world is on the brink of destruction as everyone not born on February 29^th will go insane and kill other people or themselves.  With only a handful of people left alive to fend for themselves against a populace of insanity Jack and Candace (Trae Ireland and Erin Coker, respectfully) must escape a hospital filled with people trying to kill them in order for Jack to get back home to his daughter. 

The alliance of these two characters is due to the fact that Jack watched his ex-wife jump out of a hospital window and Candace was forced to kill her nephew who tried to kill her.  They’ll have more insanity to get through before the day is over as the whole world is coming apart at the seams.

Written and directed by James Cullen Bressack the film has an interesting concept once you get past the absurdity of the concept (only people born on Leap Year are unaffected which begs the question of cultures all over the world who go by a different calendar how they would be affected).  The other thing that drags down the film is the fact that for the most part all the action takes place in two locations – the hospital and Jack’s house (where a separate story involving Jack’s three friends driven insane are supposed to be watching his daughter).  Too much time is spent at the hospital and everything at Jack’s house drags down the rest of the film.

Having an apocalypse happen on 13/13/13 was probably a great selling point for the film but the execution leaves a lot to be desired.  For the most part Ireland does a good job with what he’s given but Coker is under developed and becomes a useless sidekick through most of the film.  The production values are actually not that bad but that is one of the few good points in an otherwise highly forgettable film.

Film Review: PARANORMAL ASYLUM: THE REVENGE OF TYPHOID MARY (2013)

Found footage horror doesn’t get much worse than Paranormal Asylum: The Revenge of Typhoid Mary (2013).  Two film makers on their last effort to do something with their careers decide to do a documentary on the legendary Typhoid Mary.  As their investigation delves deeper and they come across more people that seem to be connected to Mary who spent time in an asylum and was subject to psychotropic drugs, their own sanity seems to falter as reality seems to slowly drift away. 

Written by Fred Edison there isn’t much in this film that hasn’t been done in other found footage films only this film is more overt by giving glows and halos to people and having the video footage flicker constantly.  This all actually takes you out of the “reality” of the film (the opposite affect mind you that these style films should thrive for).  The film also suffers from subpar acting that you never believe come from real people but just bad actors.  This is actually really common with found footage indie films that believe that inexperienced and young actors can carry a film.  What these films actually require are the best actors that can act like “real” people.

The biggest travesty of the film is the uninteresting characters that can’t carry the film which is what a found footage film desperately needs.  As directed by Nimrod Zalmanowitz the film suffers from relying too much on the “jump scare” rather than creating a truly creepy atmosphere, so, it plays for the lowest common denominator and will only appeal to that (small) audience. 

There are plenty of better films out there that you can spend time with rather than this dud.

Film Review: TOAD ROAD (2012)

Toad Road (2012) is one of those frustrating independent films that want to be clever and interesting when not treading the same ground as other films that came before it.  A young couple with no real aspirations decides to go through the fabled Toad Road to travel the seven gates of hell so that they will be able say that they’ve done something important with their otherwise useless lives.  That’s pretty much it.  There’s a lot of talking and establishing the bland characters and them discussing the possibility of hell and what’s on the other side of the seventh gate but that’s about it. 

The film is written and directed by Jason Banker but lacks any real creativity in the story or execution.  What the film lacks are characters that you care what happens to them.  The film offers little in the way of suspense so if you’re looking for a good thriller or scare there is nothing to be had here.  There is some ambiguity towards the end as the story picks up somewhat on its way to a lackluster ending but this all comes a little too late (especially for those who gave up on the film much earlier).

Despite these flaws the film is not a total mess as the acting is solid and I’ve seen worse atrocities on the Syfy Channel.