Zombies are the middle children of the otherworldly family. Vampires are the oldest brother who gets to have a room in the attic, all tripped out with a disco ball and shag carpet. Werewolves are the youngest, the babies, always getting pinched and told they're cute. With all that attention stolen away from the middle child zombie, no wonder she shuffles off grumbling, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha."

- Kevin James Breaux

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Film Review: SATAN CLAUS (1996)

Satan Claus (1996) is one of those DV films to avoid at all costs due to the complete lack of anything in the film resembling competent film-making.  I hate to say this about any film but every problem that a film-maker can make when making a low (or “no”) budget film is present in this film.

A killer Santa is on the loose and is cutting up bodies and taking parts for souvenirs while taunting the local police department.  Steve (Robert Hector) is wearing a Santa Claus suit and trying to raise money for a local charity when he gets entangled in the murders when his friend almost becomes a victim.  Time is running out and the body count rises the longer it takes the police to figure out the identity of the killer.

The film lacks any production values at all.  The lighting is too dark (with much of the first ten minutes too dark too even see what’s going on).  The police don’t seem to have any lights in their offices as every scene is lit blue as if from outdoors but you can tell the lights are inside the room.  The sound is atrocious and the film-makers must know nothing about ADR.  There isn’t a competent performance in the entire film.  This is a hard film to get through as the plot is so simple and predictable that it’s like any other generic slasher film.  Written by Simonetta Mostarda and directed by Massimilliano Cerchi this is an incompetent film that doesn’t entertain in any way.  There are no redeeming qualities in this film and even less to entertain horror fans.

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